Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Some Of The Many Mistakes I Made… wid woomen

You may have heard me mention this before, but I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 24 years old.

Up until that point, I had gotten used to women not paying attention to me, and I just assumed that I wasn’t the type of guy that women were “interested in”.I would hear stories about the other guys in my high school “hooking up” with the attractive girls… and, over time, I just got the point where I accepted the idea that those guys must have something “special” about them… that attracted women in a sexual way.

The more these other guys “scored”, and the more I didn’t score, the more I affirmed that belief in my mind…But here’s the kicker: Just because women weren’t interested in ME in a sexual way… didn’t mean that I wasn’t interested in THEM in a sexual way.

My desire was always there… hoping… waiting… praying for a chance opportunity to be with one of these seemingly out-of-reach beauties I saw all around me.Now that I look back on it, I realize that the frustration that came from believing that I would never be successful with women… combined with my growing desire to BE with one of these women… ruled my “mental world”.

I had no idea that I had the word “DESPERATE” written in big bold letters on my forehead. Women could see it… but I had no idea it was even there.This “foundation” (if you could call it that), led to another set of problems as I got older…Because I secretly believed that women weren’t interested in me “in that way”, I always felt embarrassed, ashamed, and guilty about my desires to be with them…I could be talking to an attractive woman, and as soon as I started to think “Hey, this woman is hot…” I would become INCREDIBLY self-conscious.

All of a sudden, I felt like my thoughts and intentions were being projected on a giant movie screen right in front of the girl I was talking to. I felt like she could READ MY MIND.

Worse, I felt like she not only knew what I was thinking, but she was probably DISGUSTED by it… and wanted to get away from me.I mean, if you were an attractive woman, and a guy that wasn’t attractive in any way was talking to you… and thinking sexual thoughts about you… wouldn’t YOU want to get away as fast as possible?

I thought so. And, more importantly, I thought that SHE thought so.
And again… now that I’m older, and can look back on this with experience… I can see that I was literally sabotaging my chances of success with these women.


http://www.doubleyourdatingprogram.com/e/10020/PowerSexuality/

2 comments:

Rex Venom said...

We all have made mistakes. The trick is to realize and improve, as you have done. And maybe pass on our experiences so that some other young fool doesn’t follow and repeat those same mistakes.
Just think; some young dude who feels the same way you did growing up might get a different idea after reading your blog.
Good stuff, Saby. Good stuff!
Have a good time over the holidays.
Rock on.

Anonymous said...

i just read this blog dear god u have had it rough. i never stopped to read. boy did i make a bad call love me