i need a vacation

Ex-haust-ion

I should have seen it coming
I should have seen the signs

I woke up this morning and saw bags underneath my eyes that were so big,
if I were to use them for shoplifting,

I could have walked into the Virgin Megastore and pranced out with the entire Jazz CD department from A to Z .

Why am I so stubborn?
I sometimes think that I can outdo myself, crash and burn, and then I pay for it,
at times looking like I not only put my foot in my mouth, but the entire shoe store.

This past week I have been a little too bold, a little too cocky, a little over the top emotionally and a little too out of control for my liking.

Yesterday I heard myself speak to a client in a way I rarely do unless I am pushed up against a wall.
I felt like I was Tony Soprano making a hard ass deal with a chooch on the low end of the food chain.
And I was actually dealing with the big time Italian $$$ guy.

I was a little too brash for my own good.mind you, it paid off, and this guy now knows I mean business, but at the same time, had he not been so nice, I could have been told to fuck off - we don't need that attitude for the $ you are charging us...

But I was lucky - this time...
So tonight I am going to break my cycle of going to bed at 4:30am and getting up at 9:30am.

Unfortunately, I am not 20 anymore, and doing this sleep deprivation for an extended period of time (now my limit is a week) will completely turn me into a volatile bundle of explosive nerves and emotions that I can't afford to have go off while I am away on my trip.Oh God.

The last thing I want is a meltdown in public!!!
I've had a rare few in the past 5 years, and they were not pretty.

Working too hard, sleeping too little and with the stress factor up to warp speed - I am a 20 car pile-up accident waiting to happen.

Funny - the song that is running in my head right now is
No sleep T'ill Brooklyn by the Beastie Boys.Sleep = clear head, sharp mind, strong will, and silenced volcano.

-Keshi